DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
