and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
