the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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