I wannas sexs uuuuu
Your mouth is God's brothel.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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