I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
