we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
