Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You're like the curious george of whores
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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