There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
