my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
