I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
