A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
