mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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