You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
