Me. At least after what I've been through.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
