you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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