My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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