So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
