I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
