I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
