I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
