When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
