'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
