Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
