Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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