I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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