I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
