Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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