if i can run in heels then i can drive
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
