so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
