I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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