He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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