Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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