I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
