Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
