Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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