ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
