She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
