I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
