The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
