after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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