I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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