Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
