smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
