so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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