Grow some girl-balls and come out already
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
