Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
