Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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