it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
