I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
