Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
