Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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