i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
