Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
