Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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