Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
