Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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