I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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