can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
