you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
