You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
