Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
