Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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