I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
