Sry I called you an 8
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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