Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
